Love will Heal You
John Lennon famously said “Love is the Answer. What was the Question?”
Most of us want to feel better, be better, achieve or find meaning. We always seem to be trying to get somewhere in our thinking or in our lives other than where we are in this moment.
Some people cultivate presence, awareness, and self compassion as an antidote to this. But those qualities are a challenge to call forth and maintain.
Life can be hard. Sometimes circumstance — racial bias, economic difficulty, illness, loss, enduring judgement from those around us, failing at something we’ve invested hope or self worth in — challenges us. Sometimes just being human — a never ending, unquenched thirst for achievement, a lack of hope or inspiration, anxiety, depression, feeling inadequate or unlovable — robs us of happiness.
I spent years asking myself: why am I here? What really matters? What’s real? I went as far as completing a Master of Religion at Harvard University after working long days in a technology company — all in an effort to figure it all out. I wanted to understand the meaning of life.
After all of that studying I did not come away with the answer to my questions.
Which brings me to John’s quote.
There are many faiths and practices that can bring peace, tranquility, and joyful religious experience. They are structures to hang our thinking, actions, rituals, and beliefs on and religion can confer the kind of strength that comes with giving our troubles over to a higher power.
But to find happiness and meaning — love is the key.
Not surprisingly, love is at the root of all of the religious philosophies I studied at Harvard. Compassion and love for others is a cornerstone of Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Islam.
Love makes myriad appearances in our lives, answering our prayers, our inquiries, our wishes and longings — it’s there. It’s available.
As a working mother of two there have been days when the exhaustion and challenge of working all day and meeting the kids’ needs was overwhelming. I couldn’t keep up with it all, and some nights I didn’t think I could march through another day. But seeing the kids faces before leaving for work, or at dinnertime, hearing them tell me about their day or asking me about mine, comforting them when bad things happened, rooting myself again in my love for them, kept me going. Loving them has been my why.
One night I found my son crying in his room when I went to say goodnight. When I asked him why he was crying he told me (years ago) he had been researching incidents of policemen killing black people for one of his classes at school. He was inconsolable. Knowing you’ve raised a child with such empathy and love for others is its own reward.
Likewise, my daughter’s refusal to say hurtful things to others in the face of being pressured by peers; her continual support for a friend whose brother died of an overdose; always wanting to make a cake from scratch for our birthdays. She struggles with depression, but everyone around her knows she loves them every day. She tells them so.
Other examples: artists love to create, mystics cultivate love for all creatures, humanitarians love their fellow humans, people love their families, friends, and pets. People love working in meaningful jobs and helping others in need. They love to create the circumstances, events, and things that give them satisfaction. And of course we all love to feel loved. The happiest among us love ourselves.
The fact is, if you can immerse yourself for a moment or two every day in love for someone or something you will feel better. If you can let the love be the thing that keeps you going you will feel meaning. If you can remember to love and have compassion for others, even when the situation is a difficult one, you will be better. And if you love yourself, you will know how to be happy.
As John Lennon said, Love is the Answer.
